A "Me" Weekend

The last two weeks at university have been tough, to say the least. With the stresses of assignment deadlines, falling deeper into the overdraft and clashes of personalities, I found myself stuck in a mental health lull, shutting myself away in my room and only coming out occasionally for food. The beautiful city of Winchester no longer seemed beautiful and exciting to me and, instead, seemed grey, dull and 100% not where I wanted to be. It came to one dreary Thursday evening when an argument with a peer tipped me over the edge and I found myself sobbing down the phone to my mother begging her to come get me in the middle of the night, take me home and never let me go to university again. In my mind, everything was over, this life I had chosen for myself was all wrong and I just wanted out. 

And that's how I ended up back here, in my small hometown in Buckinghamshire, surrounded by family, friends and, most importantly, my beloved Irish Terrier, Murphy. I spent the weekend watching movies, catching up on assignments and getting some much needed TLC from my family. I caught up with old friends who encouraged me that it was all going to be alright and that I was loved by so many people. This weekend has been just what I needed to keep me going and working toward the degree that I love. 

Despite the confidence boost, however, I am utterly and completely dreading going back. The thought of being back to feeling so lonely and hurt in my draughty little room terrifies me. But, this weekend has reminded me that home is just a train ride or a phone call away and if I'm finding it too difficult, it's never too long until the next visit home. University is full of friends and people who love me- something I need to remind myself more often. Instead of focusing on the bad, I am learning to focus on the good. I live in a beautiful city, with friends all around me, doing a degree that will let me do the career I have dreamed of. It's because of this that I'm forcing myself to keep going, the bad days can only be followed with good.